The Cost of Playing by the Book

So, picture this: a sunny day, a group of enthusiastic members gathered for a local golf tournament, and an atmosphere thick with competition (and perhaps a few too many breakfast burritos, RIP on-course washroom). It was the perfect recipe for a sitcom in the making, and boy, did our comically "Professional" staff deliver!

As the tournament progressed, one of my coworkers—a fine gentleman who shall remain nameless (but let’s call him “Dave”)—found himself in a rather unfortunate predicament. He was called from the Pro Shop to intervene with a ruling on the course. Let's forget the fact that this is a club event and a simple 2-ball rule would suffice, but a few beers deep and 18 handicaps think they are in the US Open.

This story really begins when my co-worker "Dave" arrives on-site to find this group 2 holes behind and all 4 players huddled around the hazard. Conveniently positioned next to this hazard is a cart-path (my golf architecture pieces are in the works), and the players are conferring whether the correct drop is on the cart path or directly next to it in some lovely lush rough. Now, if you’ve ever been in a similar situation, you know that this is where the fun really begins. Instead of a quick drop into the rough, the correct ruling is to drop on the cart path and watch that ball bounce around twice until it can be placed, then again dropped off of the cart path and eventually into play. As I mentioned, this is a local club event (not event the Club Championship for you "Try-Hards" out there) and our boy "Dave" instead of keeping it moving and getting this group back into position decided to take the scenic route. They dropped the ball, watched it roll (picture a bowl with guard rails), and then dropped it again, and watched it roll around like that penny you put in the Black Hole display at the Museum. "Dave" could practically hear the collective groans of the group as they stood there, watching the ball settle like it was auditioning for a role in the next "Fast and Furious" movie.

Here’s a little nugget of wisdom for all you future tournament players out there: know the rules but in a club event...who cares, drop it and move on (after all, the members are hot on your tail after having the tee closed for half the day)! At the end of the day, hit it down the middle like you did on the range all warm-up and don’t put yourself in the position to watch a ball squirm around like it’s a Dad checking into a five-star hotel. Remember, golf is not a spectator sport for your ball’s personal drama.

As if the situation couldn't get any more ridiculous, the group was put on the clock due to the escapades of our favorite shirt folder "Dave". Yes, folks, we went from a friendly scramble to a high-stakes race against time. Watching this member then struggle after watching his ball reenact a slow-motion car crash, his cage was rattled and his oil was leaking faster than an 89' Civic after being converted. You can’t look away, but you know it’s going to end badly. And then, the pièce de résistance: the penalty for slow play. "Dave", now officially the poster child for “What Not to Do as a Self-Imposed PGA Tour Rules Official” applied our poor member with a penalty stroke. I mean, come on! This is a local scramble, not the back 9 in a major!

My last gem for the aspiring golfer in this piece: when in doubt, just embrace the chaos! If you find yourself in a similar situation, just laugh it off. Golf is supposed to be fun, right? Who cares if you took an extra five minutes to drop a ball? Just make sure to bring a snack next time. And to "Dave", the man who did his job, to the letter, without a shadow of doubt-I commend you, but next time, read the room.

As we wrapped up the tournament, we couldn’t help but chuckle at the day’s events (behind the scenes of course). Sure, there were some penalties and some slow play, but there were also a lot of laughs and a few too many “Did that really just happen?” moments. As I sign off in this installment of Random Golf Advice (not sure I even provided any advice), just remember that the member was well out of the tournament during and after "Dave's" divine intervention.

The next time you find yourself on the golf course, remember: it’s not about the score, it’s about the stories you’ll tell later. And if you ever see someone struggling with a drop, just shout, “For the love of golf, get on with it!” And please remember to store away some of those breakfast burritos, after all club events are for shooting net 82's, the food and swag comes first!

The Anonymous Golf Professional